How to Pretend You Watched the Oscars (2013 Edition)

 A 10 Step Guide

 

The Oscars weren't really that great this year. At least, I'm saying that they weren't, and so is this writer, and this writer, and this writer, though this writer liked them so who knows.

Regardless of how you felt about them (or more specifically, regardless of how you felt/feel about Seth MacFarlane) the Oscars happened and people are talking about them. Don't feel left out, here's all you need to know!


1) Seth MacFarlane was the host. He's that Family Guy guy.

2) Seth MacFarlane sang a song about boobs that most people hated but some people liked (see "writers" mentioned above).


3) Ben Affleck (of Ben and Jen formally of Bennifer aka that Good Will Hunting guy) directed Argo and it won Best Picture. Want to seem kind of smart? Remember that Ben wasn't nominated for Best Director. Want to seem smarter? Remember this factoid: Argo is the first film to be nominated for Best Picture and not Best Director since 1989 (Driving Ms. Daisy).

4) Jennifer Lawrence won Best Actress. But, most notably, she tripped going up the stairs! That's real Oscar-worthy drama, people. Apparently the press agrees, as seen in this fun video where JLaw discusses said "incident":


5) Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress for Les Misérables and the internet still doesn't know what to think about that.

6) Apparent social media consensus...iffy re: Hathaway but JLaw is adorbs. Also, we're calling her JLaw now.

7)
 
Quvenzhané Wallis was truly adorable. And carried another spiffy stuffed animal purse on the red carpet. In more disgusting news, the Onion "jokingly" called her the c-word on Twitter. They revoked said tweet the next morning with a public apology.

8) Ben Affleck mentioned "working on [his] marriage" in his acceptance speech and Jennifer Garner made this face:

click on me to go to Vulture

9) Zooey Deschanel wasn't in any movies this year, but her hair was a big topic of contention on Twitter this morning. Namely, did she cut it? No. No she did not.

10) This list should probably have ten things to make it seem well-rounded, so I did a little scouring to find some other interesting tidbit. OH RIGHT.

The Oscars had a "theme" and it was Hollywood music. Because of this there was lots of singing/dancing. Weirdly, this made the Oscars seem reminiscent of this year's Grammy's. And for once I think the Grammy's may have won.

What did you think? Did you enjoy the Oscars? Did you think that MacFarlane was funny or sexist (or both)? Do you agree that it was ridiculous for Kelly Osborne to say that Jennifer Aniston should have worn black when all that woman ever wears is black and she was finally in a color for goodness sake? (Note: she wore red).