Bones: The Don't in the Do

Before you get excited, I'll let you down easy: the "do" and the "don't" in the episode title have nothing to do with a proposal, or a rejection of a proposal, or anything to do with marriage at all. Now, let's get to it:

Tonight's 'Bones' episode started with a bang thud. The thud of dead birds falling out of the sky, drenched in blue paint. In the middle of some sort of an evangelistic meeting. Yet, none of this really had much to do with the episode that was to follow. Except the blue paint...but we'll get back to that.

After this typical, slightly bizarre, very loosely related to the episode opener, we got to the important things.  Booth and Brennan. Or rather, a shot of their house. Despite the fact that no one has ever discussed it, I assume that this house is the run-down, kind of burnt looking house we saw right before the hiatus. The house that Wendall was going to fix "before the baby". Anyway, the baby has been born, and Booth and Brennan are living in a beautiful, you'd-never-know-it-was-a-dump house.

They've received a call about a murder (presumably related to the dead, blue paint drenched birds), but Brennan isn't ready to go. She can't decide what to wear, because none of her non-maternity clothes fit right even though she had the baby. Considering the fact that Brennan is A) a scientist who probably knows you don't shed baby weight immediately after delivery and B) normally shocking rational, I find how upset she is a tad against character. Then again, I suppose hormones could influence this shocking change in character (though, really, aren't the writers relying a bit too much on hormones?). Regardless, she is upset about the fact that she doesn't have clothes that fit, and no matter what Booth says she doesn't feel any better about it.

At the crime scene, Booth (stupidly) informs Cam that she needs to tell Brennan how nice she looks. Considering the fact that Brennan is clothed in a blue jumpsuit, I think this might not be the time. But Cam tries, and Brennan gets more annoyed at Booth for his obvious manipulation of the situation. Booth tries to talk his way out of it by telling Brennan she looks sexy in the jumpsuit--but who would believe that?

Oh, and before I get distracted by all this sexy talk, there is a dead body at the crime scene. And it's covered in blue goo.

Vaziri is this week's squintern, and he's super enthusiastic in a way that makes one wonder what drugs he has taken. Oh wait, apparently none! He is just thrilled that his article is going to get published in a scientific journal. He's made it as a scientist, you guys! Anyway, he isn't supposed to tell anyone this marvelous news, but he lets it slip to Hodgins. And Hodgins tells Angela. And soon everyone in the world knows about this.

The blue goo murder victim has been bitten by every animal imaginable. Vaziri, still on a high from his own scientific brilliance, suggests that they use Angela's fancy and unrealistic machine to match imprints from all the animals to the marks on the body. That way they should be able to remove the animal bites, and figure out what really killed the man. Unless it was an animal bite, it which case they're screwed.

Nope, wasn't an animal! But they don't know what it was, because (as Brennan sternly points out to Vaziri) technology can't be a substitute for human effort. Except for all the times it can. But in this case, definitely not.

The blue goo man has been identified. It turns out he was a hairdresser at a high-end salon. And he was sleeping with most of his female clients. He also had super long hair, which is weirdly important later.

Booth and Sweets question people. Typical questioning things happen. They think maybe it's a jealous woman who killed the hairdresser, but 30 seconds later we find out it's not. Because the hairdresser/murder victim had a drug problem, and that is probably connected to his death.

A competing hairdresser has disappeared--maybe he killed the murdered hairdresser! Oh wait, he gets found and upon questioning we find out that's not the case (also it's way too early in the episode for a resolution). Instead he was supplying drugs to the poor guy, but he claims he wasn't doing it recently.

If the murdered hairdresser was using drugs, where was he getting them? After some intense detective work (tracking a credit card) they find that he frequented a shop that was busted a year earlier for selling drugs. Coincidence? They don't think so!

Brennan discovers something important--she was right that humans are better than technology! Why? Because when she carefully examines the x-ray of the bones (huh, wait, an x-ray might count as technology) she discovers that he has been scalped. I told you that hair was important.

Booth and Sweets go to question the shop owner. There is a weird fountain inside with blue goo. The shop owner tries to run, but Booth tackles him! He is carrying a bag full of hair. It's a lot more hair than one person could have, plus it's a bunch of different colors, leading them to suspect that there may be other victims. 

Side note: Booth is all gruff and grumpy because things are unsettled with Brennan (re: the whole attractive/sexy issue). Sweets picks up on this, and tries to give him advice. For a psychologist he does a lot of unethical poking around in other peoples' business.


Eventually Sweets drags the truth out of Booth, and then goes on a rant about body dysmorphia post-baby. He suggests Booth buy Brennan lingerie, because Daisy loves lingerie, and as well all know women are all the same! This leads to an awkward/hilarious scene where the saleswoman asks Booth if Brennan's boobs are like melons, and Sweets interjects that they're like mangoes.

Back to the case: They question the shop owner, but it turns out that the hair was just for extensions. He cuts it off the dead at a mortuary before cremation--you know, like people do. The dead hairdresser was one of his suppliers.

Which is where it gets complicated. Because the dead hairdresser's hair is not in the pile of hair that they found, despite the fact that multiple scalpings happening all over the place seems weird. Whatever. Anyway, it sort of puts the shop owner off the hook.

Angela takes Brennan to a spa day, because Brennan has admitted to feeling pretty down post-baby. While there Brennan has an epiphany. First Vaziri calls her to tell her that the victim's hyoid bone was broken in a weird way. The, as Brennan is getting a neck message, she realizes the only way it could happen would be if the neck were exposed to someone you trusted.

In a Barber of Fleet Street style twist, it was a hairdresser who did it as he was shampooing the victim's hair. And who better to do it than his own shampoo boy. Booth and Brennan (still in her spa attire) show up at the salon, and the shampoo boy admits it. Oh, and he's the one who scalped the guy, because his hair was "too beautiful" to go to waste. Gross.

So, the case is over. Booth and Brennan eat dinner together, and Brennan comments on how nice it is that baby Christine let them eat a whole meal without interruption. She goes to grab ice-cream from the freezer, and Booth quickly puts the box of lingerie on the table. When she returns she opens it. She's happy, then briefly insulted, then thrilled. So the lingerie was a win. She suggests they try it out, and when Booth makes a move to put the ice-cream back in the freezer she tells him to take it with them. Which is the most risque move we've ever seen from these characters. Unfortunately, right as they are going upstairs Christine wakes up, and Booth goes to look after her.

There you have it. All in all a pretty satisfying episode. Scalping murder solved, lingerie bought and appreciated, a usual lack of sex, and a couple of unanswered questions. Namely, where is Parker in all of this, and does that poor boy even know he has a sister? Now that Booth and Brennan are established in a nice house with a baby, wouldn't Booth want some occasional custody of his own son? Hopefully that will be answered soon.

Does your son even know we have a baby?