New Girl Play by Play: Fancyman

Minute zero: Jess compares buying a phone to buying a car and/or buying a bra. Apparently she has had hers for 8 years.

Also, Nick has a 250 credit score. Which is ridiculously low. As Jess points out, "you get 150 for being alive".

Minute one: Winston's girlfriend is a little too enamored by Schmidt's pub knowledge.

Jess just curtsied for a student's father. Awkward! (Also, oh look, he's played by Dermot Mulroney!)

Minute two: Jess to a student's father: "Condoms are harder to take off than I thought. I've always put them on, but I guess someone else has always taken them off". Awkward!

Minute three: Jess is annoyed that the student's dad told her that his daughter can't do creative time. Apparently he is also a little weirded out by the fact that she wears dollheads around her neck (which, let's admit, is a tad bizarre).

Minute four: Tanya, the principal who ate a pot cookie in that one birthday episode, says that since Dermot is a big donor, Jess has to do what he says. Jess is less than pleased.

Minute seven: Winston is upset that Schmidt made him look stupid during trivia night. Also, Schmidt just called Winston the "dumber one".

Minute eight: Winston has decided that memorizing stats doesn't make someone smart.

Minute eight:
I hate groveling, I would have lasted two minutes in the court of the Sun King, I think about that all the time-Jess
You do?-Nick


Jess is worried that she won't be able to grovel enough for Dermot. And she thinks that she has to do some manipulative groveling, because she doesn't really want to apologize.

Minute nine: Winston thinks that a simple apology is enough.

Hey Mr. Fancyman, you can't tell me what to do. Your money doesn't own me.-Nick, suggesting what Jess should say to Dermot

Minute ten: Wait. Winston is actually working as a part-time nanny for that little kid from the Christmas party? Since when?

Minute eleven: Jess' car stalls right near Dermot's office. He calls to get a tow truck, and lets Jess borrow his car. He also invites her to a party at his house. Is it a date?

I wasn't raised with money, so when something broke we pretended it still worked-Jess


Minute sixteen: Oh look, it's Cece!

Rich people, they're always giving you their cars!-Jess, complaining about Dermot to Cece

You know me, I'm only attracted to guys...who think someone famous stole their idea-Jess


Minute seventeen: Winston is having nanny-kid quiz him with flashcards with random information.

Minute eighteen: Nick goes to the party with Jess, and she asks him to complain about all the rich people things in the house.

Minute nineteen: Nick is impressed by the fancy desk, and suddenly okay with rich people things.

Nick, when I put my hand on this desk I feel sexually proficient for the first time in my life-Nick


Okay, this is how evil geniuses are born-Jess


Minute twenty: Dermot points out to Jess that changing her car's oil may not be a bad idea. And no, that's not a double entendre.

Jess, I'm 42. I've made a lot of moeny, and I enjoy spending it-Dermot (Yeah, okay, I just learned that his name is Russell, but whatever).

Minute twenty-one: Russell says he had a poor credit score at Nick's age, but that he then got a gift. Russell gives Nick a phone.

Is it possible to be sexually attracted to an object?-Nick


Nick asks Russell why he's being nice to him, and learns it's because he's Jess' friend. So Russell/Dermot really does like Jess.

Minute twenty-two: the fancy Japanese toilet has a bidet built in, and Jess accidentally turns it on, and gets sprayed all over with water. Russell rushes in and has to help. He also tells her he would never revoke his donation to the school, but Jess runs off...I assume she is embarrassed? Not too sure, it went to a commercial break right as she was leaving.

Minute twenty-six: Jess drags Nick away and wants to leave because she doesn't feel like she fits in. Nick tells Jess that he is in love with Russell (He smells like strong coffee, and seeing a man about a horse-Nick).

Minute twenty-seven: Nick persuades Jess to go back inside.

Minute twenty-eight: Shelby doesn't want some rich guy who owns his own car, she wants Winston. Looks like Winston has a girlfriend!

Winston, I hope you're better in bed, because your street work is embarrassing-Schmidt


Minute twenty-nine: Jess admits that she isn't used to people having it all together, and that she is kind of scared by Russell.

Minute thirty: Russell asks Jess out, and she says yes. As she is walking away, she falls into the koi pond.